Employees: The Supreme Snack Providers & Te Rule enfrcers (AKA Mom and Dad)
Review Board: Za'*** (8), Max (6), Mason (4), & Riley (1)
The Breakdown By Department
Department: Operations and Compliance
Lead Auditor: Za'*** (8)
Findings: Subjects enforce "Daily Hygiene Mandates" despite a clear lack of interest." They also have implemented a "Verification System" to ensure tasks are actually completed, rather than just accepting a report of being "done."
Department: Inventory & Sanitatio
Lead Auditor: Max (6)
Findings: Subjects are now enforcing a "one toy out, one toy away" policy. This is an inefficient use of floor space. Also, the "one shower per week" rule is viewed as an extreme overreach of hygiene authority.
Department: Preschool Productivit
Lead Auditor: Mason (4)
Findings: Subjects expect "Toy Maintenance" (cleaning/organizing) from a 4-year-old. This is a violation of the "I'm Just a Baby" labor laws. Subject also fails to meet the "Snacks all day" mandate.
Department: Vocal Research
Lead Auditor: Riley (1)
Findings: (Reviewer simply pointed at a lamp and then screamed for milk.) Interpretation: 10/10 for cuddles; 2/10 for preventing me from eating a crayon.
Consolidated Grievances
- The "Trust but Verify" Policy: Za'*** reports a significant increase in "Quality Control" checks. The Subjects no longer accept "I did it" at face value and insist on visual proof of brushed teeth or put-away toys. This has drastically reduced leisure time.
- The "One-In, One-Out" Toy Mandate: Mason officially reports that this policy slows down the creative process. It is impossible to build a city if the "forest" (last week's blocks) must be put away first.
- The Weekly Bathing Crisis: Max finds the mandatory weekly immersion in water to be "unnecessary" and "wet." He has proposed a "dirt-only" clause: if you can't see the mud, the shower didn't happen.
Official Board Demands
- Abolishment of the "Hand washing" requirement: The Board suggests that natural oils are better for the skin (and the schedule).
- Self-Certification: Za'*** demands to be "self-auditing," meaning if he says he put the markers away, the Subjects should believe him, without looking at the floor...
- The Riley Protocol: Everyone must stop what they are doing when Riley decides to dance. No exceptions.
Final Verdict: The Subjects are retained for another season, primarily because they know how to make the "good" chicken nuggets.